Women's Intuition
by poxmaker
Summary: Daniel keeps turning down Valla's advances, and she's getting tired of it. So she decides to pester him until he tells her what it is that helps him keep her at arm's length. Poor Daniel. SLASH JackxDaniel , and slightly AU. ONESHOT


A/N: Hi people! Welcome to my _fifth_ fanfic! Now, I'd definitely say _this_ is a milestone; not a big one, but one worth celebrating anyway. So Woot!

This story was actually the first fanfic I ever wrote; about two years ago. I didn't post it because there were a few episodes I needed to see to make sure my facts were straight, but now I've seen them and the story is ready for posting. I also think Daniel is _way_ OOC (and it's a bit AU), but I think I did Jack and Valla well. I especially liked writing Valla, she's so much fun to use, because she'll say and do just about anything. I lurve teh Valla. (And I _hate_ Mitchell, he must die!)

Because this was written two years ago, I think that would set the timeline somewhere around the beginning of season nine? Maybe? Well, Daniel and Valla still have the bond from those stupid bracelets, so I think that's right. Also, I'd like to reiterate that this fic is SLASH. That's guy/guy luvin'. It's nothin' heavy, but if you don't like that sort of thing I suggest you hit the back button **NOW**. I do not take kindly to flamers.

The first half of the story is dialogue only, so I hope no one gets confused. Other than that, enjoy!

* * *

"Valla, please leave me alone." 

"But I don't want to. You're so easy to torment."

"Valla please, I have work to do."

"Why are you always working? Couldn't you stop for just one minute?"

"No. I have to turn my report in tomorrow."

"Oh, it can wait a few more minutes. Come on, I want to have some fun."

"Valla I can't."

"You can't what Daniel? Do this??"

"No! I can definitely not do that! That is very inappropriate!"

"Inappropriate? That's not what you said on that ship of yours. What was it called again? Prometheus was it?"

"Don't flatter yourself. If I recall correctly it was _you_ who kissed _me_. Not the other way around. And besides, you caught me off-guard; _and_ we were kicking each other's asses at the time."

"Yes, but you know you liked it."

"You wish. Now I have to get back to work; go bother Mitchell."

"But I don't want to bother Mitchell; I want to bother you..."

"Ahhh!!! Don't do that!"

"Aww, why not? It's been ages since I've had this much fun with a man. Come to think of it, I haven't had this much fun with _anyone_ in ages."

"Well go have fun with someone else already! You're driving me nuts and I really have to get this report finished."

"Why is it that you're always turning my advances down Daniel? Don't you like me? Am I not appealing to you?"

"Oh great. This is exactly why I don't like wom-"

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"Nothing. It's not that I don't like you, or that you're not appealing, it's just that you're not appealing to me."

"What??? Me, not appealing to you? How is that even possible? No man has ever been able to resist my charms."

"Well I guess there's a first time for everything. Now please, leave me alone."

"Not until you tell me why I'm not appealing to you. Until you tell me, I'm not leaving."

"Wonderful… Look, I just don't find you all that attractive."

"…"

"But it's not that you're not attractive!! I mean I'm sure you are, judging from all the bragging you've done about all the men you've had. It's just that I might not, er… like the same things as them… Heh…"

"Ah ha! I thought so! I knew that if I kept probing I'd get to the heart of the matter. You don't like women, do you?"

"Ahhh…"

"Uh huh, just as I thought. So, tell me, how long have you known?"

"Now wait just one second! You can't just go saying things like that around here! The military has laws about that sort of thing! At least close the door!"

"Fine! I daresay you live in a very close-minded society if your government doesn't allow your sort into its military."

"You're tellin' me, that's why I didn't join the military in the first place… Now hold on! I never said anything like that! You're putting words into my mouth!"

"Oh that's right, you're not in the military, silly me… But never mind that. Oh please Daniel, don't give me that face. You've got it written all over you! And besides, there's no hiding from a woman's intuition. Come on, admit it!"

"I admit nothing."

"Like I said earlier, there's no hiding. You might as well tell me the truth; I'll get it out of you one way or another. I'll leave you alone if you do."

"You'll really leave me alone?"

"Yes."

"Ugh. Ok, what do you want to hear?"

"Heh, I knew you'd come around. Simply tell me the truth: Do you like women or not?"

"…no…"

"Sorry, couldn't hear you. You'll have to speak up."

"No."

"I still can't hear you."

"NO! I DO NOT LIKE WOMEN! I NEVER HAVE, AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL! THERE, ARE YOU HAPPY?!"

"Yes."

"Good. Now go away."

"No, not before you tell me who he is."

"Now what? Who who is???"

"The man you're in love with who keeps interfering with my advances on you."

"There is no one, now go away."

"Oh yes there is. All men come on to me at some point or another, unless there is someone else. It's the way things are. So either you're really, really not into women, or you're in love. And I've dealt with a lot of helpless romantics like yourself in my life to know which it is. You are definitely the latter."

"There's no one Valla. Go away before I call security."

"Call security? You've never done that before, I must have hit a nerve. Come on Daniel, tell me who he is. Please?"

"You know those puppy dog eyes won't work on me. And I'm telling you, there's no one. And even if there was, I couldn't tell you his name. You probably go blab it out somewhere and then he'd be court-martialed. Not to mention dishonorably discharged…"

"Ah! So there is someone. I wasn't sure at first, but I'm positive now. But… I know you won't tell me, so I'll leave it be… for now. I'll let you get back to work, see you later darling!"

"Finally, I thought she'd never leave."

* * *

**BAM!!!**

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I wasn't watching were I was going."

"Oh no miss, it was entirely my fault. I rounded that corner a little fast, in too much of a hurry."

"It's quite alright; a girl like me is used to getting knocked around a bit."

"Is that so?"

"Quite."

"Well then, what kind of girl are you then?"

"Ah. The fun kind. Care to find out first hand?"

"Heh, sorry darlin', but I'm taken."

"Oh really? You wouldn't have been heading into that room there by any chance, would you?

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was. Do you know Daniel?"

"Yes I do. We sort of work together, sort of."

"I see, are you a new member of SG-1?"

"Ah, no. Believe me; they couldn't make me do that even if they wanted to. No, my and Daniel's relationship was… accidentally forced upon us."

"Oh really. I'm surprised he hasn't mentioned it to me. So if you only 'sort of' work together, and you're not part of SG-1, then why are you here? This is a top-secret military facility."

"I could ask you the same question."

"Hey now, I know it doesn't actually _say_ General on my uniform-"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize! Your military is so confusing sometimes… You'd be General who then?"

"O'Neill, Jack O'Neill."

"Oh, that's right! I'm Valla, by the way. Daniel's told me so much about you!"

"And that once again brings up the question of how you actually know Daniel."

"Oh that, well you see we've got this bond thing going…"

"Bond???"

"Sort of… It's a long story, and I seem to think it would be better if Daniel told you about it."

"Uh huh, well then I'll have to ask him about it, I'm raging with curiosity."

"Well, while we're on the subject of curiosity, what is _your _relationship with Daniel, hmmm?"

"I just so happen to be his best friend."

"Oh really? _Only_ his best friend?"

"Huh? What are you getting at?! What has Daniel been telling you?"

"Nothing, actually. I could barely get a word out of him. But it was what he wouldn't say that tipped me off."

"I see, and you think you know something everyone else doesn't?"

"Actually, it's been the subject of much conversation between the members of SG-1 lately, minus Daniel of course. It would seem that they're all in on you two."

"Uh, yeah… Did they say how long they'd, um… known?"

"Colonel Carter said she'd known from the start and that big one (I think his name is Beelk? No, Teal'c!) said that he'd had his suspicions. Mitchell seems to not know what they're talking about though. It's probably a good thing though, he doesn't seem the type. He'll probably be much easier to seduce than Daniel…"

"Hold on a minute! Seduce!???"

"Oh don't worry General O'Neill, Daniel is all yours. I daresay you're a lucky man, General. If Daniel wasn't so in love with you he'd have been overcome by my seductions long ago. I think once this infernal bond is broken I'll set my sights on Mitchell, Daniel was beginning to bore me anyway."

"Umm, ok, you lost me back at seductions. What are you talking about???"

"Hehe. Ask Daniel. I've got other things to do. See you around General O'Neill."

"Uh, bye?"

Jack leaned his ear against the door to Daniel's office. He knew that if that woman had been in there with him a few minutes ago, that'd he'd surely be in a sour mood. Hell, anyone would be in a sour mood after talking to that woman. Who the hell was she?

Slowly Jack turned the knob and opened the door. Sure enough, Daniel was furiously typing away at his computer. Looked to be some kind of report from Jack's point of view. It didn't look like it would make much sense though; Daniel was not making a good speed-to-error ratio at the moment. He'd probably have to go back through it later and respell every-other word.

Jack silently crept up behind Daniel and slipped his arms around the other's neck. He knelt down and whispered into Daniel's ear, "You know, you'd not make so many mistakes if you'd only slow down."

Daniel stopped typing and turned his head to face Jack's. "What's up with you today? With giving sagely advice and all?"

Jack nuzzled his face into the side of Daniel's neck, and Daniel craned his head in the opposite direction to oblige him. "I'm in a sagely mood, Dannyboy."

"Oh really? Since when?"

"Since a few minutes ago actually. I had a strange encounter with a strange woman."

Daniel turned his head suddenly and looked at Jack, horrified. "Oh no. She didn't…"

Jack looked puzzled for a moment. "Who didn't?" Then realization dawned on him and he continued his nuzzling. "Oh, yeah, I met your friend. Weird gal, I liked 'er. I found it strange, though, at how fast she could change my mood. Suddenly I felt like being clever…"

Daniel rolled his eyes, "That's Valla for you. But I wouldn't call her a friend, more like a forced acquaintance."

"Yeah, she mentioned something about a bond? What's that all about?"

Jack had gone from nuzzling to kissing down the side of Daniel's neck now, and was slowly making his way to the other side.

"It's a long story. One that I'm sure involves lots of big words."

"Ew, then don't tell me just yet, wait till I'm in a big word mood."

Daniel smiled as Jack finally made it to a fresh part of his neck that hadn't been caressed by kisses yet. "And when do you suppose that will be?"

"Eh, probably never. But don't worry about it; you don't have to tell me. I trust you enough to know that whatever this bond thing is between you isn't mutual. In fact, it seems that neither of you want it."

"You've got that right."

Jack stopped kissing Daniel's neck and leaned close to his ear again. "Whadda ya say we call it a day and head back to your quarters?"

Daniel smiled and gave Jack a small kiss on the lips. "Sounds good to me."

* * *

Valla quietly crept away from where she'd been peeking in on Jack and Daniel from the ever-so-slight crack between the door and wall of Daniel's office. She smiled to herself as she walked down the hallway in search of Mitchell. She'd known that her woman's intuition couldn't've been wrong. 

At last she found her target talking to Teal'c farther down the hallway. He had his back turned to her so he didn't see her come up behind him and wrap her arms around his torso.

"Hey!"

"Oh relax darling, it's just me. I've come to collect the money you owe me. What was it called again? Dollars was it?"

Mitchell wasn't sure what she was talking about, probably some lie she'd cooked up to get him to cough up some money. "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything."

"Oh yes you do. You remember our little wager, don't you?"

"You mean on whether or not Dr. Jackson was gay?"

"That's the one."

"So you mean to tell me he is? I never wouldda guessed. How'd you find out?"

"Actually, it's none of your business. Just know that you owe me ten of your dollars. And I expect you to buy me something nice with it, seeing as how I can't leave the facility."

Grudgingly, Mitchell pulled out a ten dollar bill and handed it to Valla. "Fine, but I'm never making a bet with you again."

"Oh I'm sure you will… Now tell me, what do you do for fun?"

* * *

So, y'all like? Yes? 

Ok, now before anyone starts going off, I know Daniel isn't gay. In _my mind_ he's actually bi, but I had to make him gay for the story to be funny. So I guess that does make this AU. Sue me.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. Reviews are appreciated, but not necessarily necessary. Thanks for reading! XP


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